Evil Oddie

Oh dear – this is the part where you find out that I’m not such a nice person.

I ran into an old work colleague on the way home. I was waiting in line at the checkouts in Bi-Lo. When the Service Cashier started serving me, we both recognised each other. My heart lurched. I remember when she was the receptionist / admin person and I was the accounts / payroll person. I made her cry (not the first person I’ve made cry and certainly not the last). I won’t go into detail, but I held her feet to the fire when some stuff she said came into question. She left not long after… I did this to two other people at the same company. Goodness, maybe they just put me with the people they wanted to get rid of.

Getting back on track. While she was scanning my groceries, she told me that she actually doesn’t work at Bi-Lo… mmm hang on – you’re behind the register and you’re in their uniform… I’m going with you work here. She told me that she is a consultant at some la-di-da firm in the city. They fly her all over Australia in Business Class. I asked her what consulting work she does and she either ignored the question or didn’t hear it.

Then she proceeds to tell me that she’s had a baby and loves being at home with her baby. Bear with me a moment. You have just told me you are a fancy consultant that gets flown all over Australia and you are also working at Bi-Lo… hrrm… doesn’t leave a lot of time for the baby at home.

Which leads me to think that she has just told a big porky pie. When I catch up with people, I tell them the truth, as sad as it is.

My half of the conversation: Yes I am still with Glen. No we are not married. Yes it has been eight years. Yes it had better be a freaking huge rock of a diamond. No I haven’t had the pleasure of squeezing a baby out of my nether regions. Yes doing the same kinda work just in a different place. Yes my life still sucks gigantic balls.

See? Isn’t telling the truth better?

At work, Friday lunch is normally: at a pub; takeaway food eaten in a park or; a BBQ. Today was a bit different. We had a meeting in the early afternoon so we couldn’t be too long. We decided to get a pizza from a well known franchise and eat it back at the office.

We started eating our pizza and it tasted fantastic (except for the pain from the ulcer) as only takeaway foods can. I was onto my second piece when I thought that one of my newly cut hairs had made its way into my mouth. On further investigation, it was not a hair from my head. It looked particularly like a curly brown hair from the groin area.

I announced my find to the rest of my colleagues, most of them laughed and had a look at the offending hair. Here’s the part that shocked me – The Pizza Still Got Eaten!!!

Me also not thinking about what I was doing because of all the commotion, ate the rest of the piece that the offending hair was located on!