Evil Oddie » Funnies or Not

Kitchen – Holy Crap

Oddie — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 08:07:44 +0000

So, our kitchen got damaged in the big storms that hit Brisbane in November 08. I called our insurer while the water was still leaking through the ceiling and running down through our kitchen cabinets and started the claim.

Seeing that we weren’t that bad off in comparison with The Gap residents, Glen and I haven’t been in that big of a rush to get our kitchen fixed. So I can understand how I’ve set us up for this…

I can totally understand that this is partly our fault. We haven’t been chasing up our insurer or anything, it’s just been something that we’ve been thinking will happen eventually.

Our insurer has called us this week to see how the kitchen is going. I said that the new kitchen wasn’t even in. We had a guy come around to talk about what we wanted to change and they want an extra $8 000 on top of what the insurer is going to give them. Our insurer and this kitchen guy won’t tell us how much the insurer is giving the kitchen makers. Glen and I think that this is a bit excessive because there really isn’t that much that we are changing… Really…

So the insurer said for us to get another quote so that they could compare the quotes. I was like “Sure, I’ll get the guy who did our last kitchen. They were awesome and beat every other quote by $5 000.” I got the quote today from my ‘mate’ – $18 000+ – FARK!!

I sent the fax into the insurer… We’ll see what happens… Our kitchen is big – maybe that’s why it’s so much…

Joke Time

Oddie — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 04:39:41 +0000

First-year students at a Medical

School were receiving their first anatomy class using a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table where the body was covered with a white sheet.

The professor began the lecture by telling them: 'In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.' To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.When everyone was finished, the professor looked at them and said,

'The second most important quality is observation.

I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention.'

The Real Story about Eve

Oddie — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:00:54 +0000

EVE’S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,” Reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc… she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

“Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see……….where did I put that useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

Best Wishes Suzanne

Oddie — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:40:36 +0000

A friend sent this to me. It is very rare for me to laugh out loud but I did when I saw this.

Employee: ‘Hello this is *****, how can I help you?’

Customer: ‘I would like to order a cake for a going-away party this week.’

Employee: ‘What do you want on the cake?’

Customer: ‘Best Wishes Suzanne’ and then underneath that, ‘We will miss you’.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.